Some people know, some people don't, that eating is not something I particularly enjoy doing. I know how that sounds, and a lot of people say they wish they had that problem. But may I just say: it's still a problem. I haven't been one that is hungry all of the time, or looks forward to meal times. It has been a discipline I've had to learn. Remind myself to eat, hopefully three times a day. Something that I've had to get into the habit of doing. It wasn't unusual for me to go a day or more and then realize that I had only eaten one meal in that time. I had to develop this habit. To remind myself to eat something, anything three times a day. Eventually after a while of doing that I thankfully got more normal of a appetite back. Even that, comes and goes. It is a battle that I still fight more often than not. Some days I'm winning, I eat without thinking about it, just go and make something, or get something. Other days it is a very real struggle over having no appetite and still needing to eat.
That is why today I was giddy with delight and pride.
I got off work today, went to the grocery and bought supplies. When I got home, I put lunch in the oven (frozen pizza, don't judge, it's delicious), and started to get things together for dinner. Made my Mama's famous lemon chicken marinade and got the chicken all prepared.
For dinner, I grilled the chicken, and while that was going I made some sides for myself. It all came together, and I sat down and ate a good portion. I even did all the dishes and cleaned up before I sat back down.
It was crazy.
It so doesn't seem like much, I even feel a little embarrassed and silly to be writing this.
But for me, in my world, it was huge!
It felt so normal, like an everyday thing. There was no hesitation, there was no dread. Things that are normally associated with meal times, especially preparing them-for me.
I felt so empowered, I even made a batch of cookies. And well, those dishes aren't done, but they taste delicious :)
It's funny to see how my world is changing, how my thinking has adjusted.
My new normal. I pray that it just keeps growing and becoming better and better :)
I know there are many people with many different thoughts. There are good intentions, there is hope of helping, and desire to encourage me.
This is not an easy thing to share, the victory is, today, the pride and amazing feeling that I cannot begin to describe-so amazing! Unfortunately, well, I have learned that people see the problem, and want to give voice to it. Please, just share this victory with me, that goes the longest way :)
That is why today I was giddy with delight and pride.
I got off work today, went to the grocery and bought supplies. When I got home, I put lunch in the oven (frozen pizza, don't judge, it's delicious), and started to get things together for dinner. Made my Mama's famous lemon chicken marinade and got the chicken all prepared.
For dinner, I grilled the chicken, and while that was going I made some sides for myself. It all came together, and I sat down and ate a good portion. I even did all the dishes and cleaned up before I sat back down.
It was crazy.
It so doesn't seem like much, I even feel a little embarrassed and silly to be writing this.
But for me, in my world, it was huge!
It felt so normal, like an everyday thing. There was no hesitation, there was no dread. Things that are normally associated with meal times, especially preparing them-for me.
I felt so empowered, I even made a batch of cookies. And well, those dishes aren't done, but they taste delicious :)
It's funny to see how my world is changing, how my thinking has adjusted.
My new normal. I pray that it just keeps growing and becoming better and better :)
I know there are many people with many different thoughts. There are good intentions, there is hope of helping, and desire to encourage me.
This is not an easy thing to share, the victory is, today, the pride and amazing feeling that I cannot begin to describe-so amazing! Unfortunately, well, I have learned that people see the problem, and want to give voice to it. Please, just share this victory with me, that goes the longest way :)