You have taught me the hard way. Some lessons have been amazing, and some have been heartbreaking. Some have been both…but either way I have learned.
I have learned that people will hurt you and leave you. They will cause wounds that take a lifetime to heal. There are people who have left scars and by these I will always remember them. “I have scars on my hands from touching certain people.” People can hurt you in all manner of ways. Leave you, never to speak again, or simply have no desire to be around you again. But I have also learned that people are lovely and beautiful. We need them so desperately in our lives. One cannot muster enough courage and grace on our own without people around. They make life grand, and fun, and never without a surprise. They move us to grow.
I have learned that growing hurts. Growth, whether we go looking for it, or simply fall into it, hurts. “All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” We lose something when we grow. It’s a change. It could be a good and needed change, losing selfishness or pride. It could also be painful and necessary, leaving friends, changing jobs. Growing is so needed, but even as we know that we cannot help but feel the sting. It causes us to grow up, to move on and do the necessary thing. But as we do that and see the path that we have come from I have also learned growing can feel good. As hard as it is, as much courage it takes, at the end of that path, you feel accomplished and steps closer to where you know you should be. As we’re little and dreaming of growing up, as we do grow up we lose the fantasy of it. But still we learn how it is good to grow. Even if we look back in nostalgia, we realize, it’s good to grow and move on. Even as we are trembling with fear as we move into unknown.
I have learned fear is a thief. It will eagerly take joy, moments and years from you. It can come silently, there are moments where we’re not able to fully recognize it for what it is. We find ourselves not doing something, or holding back from saying something. We do it without thinking. But other times we are fully aware of it. It wears no mask, we live in terror. From one thing or another..years can go by, battling. Fear is a thief. But my, what a lie fear is. Especially as being a believer. We have to think back, see what we are not trusting in. What lie are we believing? Through this journey, I have also learned how good it feels when we step over a lie and believe, trust and have courage. "You learn you can do your best even when it's hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit. It feels good to show some courage.” It is hard. Fighting against fear, and lies are hard. It’s not for the faint-hearted. But even then, it’s all Him, we have no need to worry or fuss.
I have learned about heart break. It is a very real thing. There is pain and emptiness. And there is no rhythm or reason when it will hit, or what will be the cause. It could be a movie, a scene that hurts, and maybe you don’t even know why. But you feel a little broken as you crawl in bed. It could be loss, where someone is there and then not. Perhaps a beloved pet that you can’t remember not having. Or it could be the classic way of love. Any way it comes, it shatters. How can something hurt so much, yet leave such an emptiness? How does that make any sense? It truly shatters a person. But I have also learned there are some things worth having your heart broken for. “Isn't it better to have your heart broken than to have it wither up? Before it could be broken it must have felt something splendid. That would be worth the pain.” Yes, things break your heart, and it shatters and hurts you. But, darling, its worth it. It must have been marvelous to get that deep in your soul. That constant companion in your pet, the smiles it brought. A friend who moved, memories made that can never be taken away. A love that awakened your heart, in whatever form it came…it is worth the pain.
I have learned that we are all broken. We all have broken pieces in us. Some have formed scars around the wounds, some are fresh. We don’t always know they are there…but we are all broken in some way. But I have also learned that we need to share our brokenness to heal. We have to share, and talk about and encourage one another. And we must be open, that’s where the healing is. That’s when we can see that we are not alone. And in that, there is relief, and we walk toward healing and being whole.