This quote has been going through my mind over and over again recently. It’s a reminder, a comfort and a hard truth. I know that I have been very vague and elusive with what’s going on right now. I’ve hinted at changes and beginnings and hard seasons. I did not intend to be cryptic or hidden. I have not known quite what to say, or how much. Plus, there was a desire to process on my own for a little bit. But I wanted to be open and honest with where I am and what’s going on.
The time has once again come that I must adjust and change my life. Specifically, my address. Currently I have been living in a house that my parents have generously had and allowed me to live in. Circumstances have now changed and I am looking for a humble, modest place of my own and move on there. It is both exciting and terrifying. It is pretty widely known that I have had the desire about the last year or so to move more into the Orlando area. For the first time that I can remember I am planting roots and making a place home. It’s the craziest, wildest, most baffling, wonderful experience to date. I am absolutely loving it! I love that when the manager of the Publix I frequent (a Starbucks regular) sees me he ensures to come and say hi. It’s one of my joys that I go to Disney Springs and have multiple people that know me, hug me and seem to enjoy my company. I heard one time that to be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known. I am known. I am recognized and I have friends becoming family and this community and support system. It’s one of the most amazing, humbling things. This life I am creating is the biggest motivation I have for what I’m trying to do right now. There is a ‘deadline’, I need to be out of the house by May 1st. Pretty soon, but I’ve got a little bit of time.
Along with that plan and desire comes the need for an income that will support me and allow me to do that. So along with the living situation that needs to be found and resolved, I am on the hunt on the job market! Woop woop! Such is the life of Brittany. Why not change everything in a time crunch? I am hopeful and cautiously expectant as I pursue jobs and think of moving. It’s not easy for sure. It is taking up most of my emotional and mental energy. So please, if you’re reading this, forgive me in the upcoming months. There is not much leftover as I try and get this all done. I am trying to keep the attitude and mindset I started the year with. Full of optimism, magic, celebration and jubilee. But as the familiar ticks of the clock come and the residue of all the moves and emotions that came from before, it can be hard to rally at times. I find myself not responding as quickly, or not as opt to initiate things. Even as I know I need the life, breath and rest that they bring. I am trying to learn the balancing act. The reserve needed to be sure I am doing what I need to do so that I get to stay and develop this life that I have created and adore. But also go and live it so I can enjoy and keep growing in it.
So, what if, right? What if I don’t have the joy and relief of finding a job, then finding a house and doing all that needs to be done? Well, I have the generous offer from my parents that I can head to Dallas, TX and live with them for a time until I can get things situated and organized here in Florida. It would be a temporary time there, but I am hoping for that to be Plan B. Right now, I am just looking for a local place, maybe closer to where I am than Orlando, just to make the adjustments easier, and the prices a little more reasonable until I can settle into a job in Orlando that supports where I want to be.
So that’s it, and that’s enough to be sure. I have had so much encouragement all along the way, it’s been amazing. I am grateful that people in my life who know me have an understanding about the difficulty this is for me, even as much as it’s the growth I want to move towards in my life. Yet there is such an excitement surrounding it. Honestly, it carries all of the emotions with it. The entire spectrum contained within this life change. It’s the craziest thing this year. I started the year with this utter unbelief of the words for this year “celebration” and “jubilee”. Not words that normally associate with my story, and definitely not ones that have my trust and hope. But as they were spoken over my year, I found myself in a different attitude and mindset. This magic and hope and trust and belief. It was a marvelous, heady thing to be sure. I felt as though a wave of whatever it is life throws when you don’t need it, hit me as I started this new time and season. I am trying to recover the wonder, belief and trust in the mindset and attitude that this year started with. My friend kindly and wisely told me “may you trust the magic of new beginnings” as she heard all that was coming my way. That’s one thing I am trying to focus on. Remember that this is exciting, this is a beginning and it is good. This is the next step in life. And it’s scary, and wonderful and paralyzing and lovely and overwhelming and wondrous. Though most days I need to remind myself of that as the practical parts of this seem daunting and unattainable.
So, to be sure, as the days get closer and I get my life together a little bit more I will be asking for some help with packing parties, and have game nights and get-togethers to enjoy this wonderful big ol’ house before it’s time to say goodbye! So please, invite yourself over, movie nights are also an option 😊
One thing I would ask, because of course me the over-thinker has to include this…please be respectful that I am still working at my job at Starbucks and have not shared with everyone there, my manager included, all the details about me looking to leave. I have not yet felt that the time was here for that. Thank you. And for all who have cared enough to read through all this and are walking this time and season with me, I appreciate you more than you could ever know. Thank you for being with me, for me and all the encouragement. It is what is giving me life right now.